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Coping with the death of a loved one from suicide is unfathomable for most adults to grasp. What if you are a child whose parent has made the choice to take their own life? It is almost incomprehensible to imagine how a child will survive the grief from a loss from suicide. Yet, children do experience this loss every day and most times the adults in their lives are not skilled enough to help them.  Many make the mistake of assuming that the child is too young to comprehend what has happened and ignore opportunities to help the children with their grief.  Outlined below are some ways to help the Child Survivor of Suicide.

My daughters were 18 and 15, respectively, when their father lost his battle with depression and committed suicide in our home. I’ve written about that experience in an article He Chose Suicide which deals more with my own grief than the grief of my children.  Having lived through this does give me some authority as to the advice I’m about to share.

When death comes from suicide it is most important to be honest with the children in the most loving and compassionate words that you can find.  As difficult as that may be because of your own grief, it is much kinder coming from you. If the children do not hear the truth from you, they will hear it from someone else and it most probably will not be in a kind way.  Try to answer any questions that they have and give the answers in an age appropriate way.

Talk about the deceased loved one with your kids. Remember happy moments with them. When discussing your loved one, if you feel pain and begin to cry; go ahead and cry in front of the children. They need to know that this is painful for you too and that it is normal to cry when you are grieving.

I remember feeling so angry at my husband for making the choice that he did. It is a normal part of any grieving process but children might not understand that it is. Be sure to explain to them that you are angry, not at the person but at the choice they made.

It is also very important to convey to the child that this was in no way their fault! They should not feel any guilt for what has happened. They certainly could not have prevented it and they need to know that.

Discuss depression with the child, again in an age appropriate manner. Most importantly express to the child that suicide is not the way to handle your problems.  Help them understand better choices for dealing with depression and stress in life.  It is important not to make the child survivor think that their loved one was bad for making the choice that they did but that there were alternatives to the choice.

It is my sincerest wish that you will never find yourself being the adult having to help a child survive the suicide of one of their parents or any loved one for that matter. If you have found this article, you probably are in this very situation. I can recommend a very good book for you to read to help you through it. After a Parent’s Suicide: Helping Children Heal offers some excellent advice to the adults in a child’s life to help them cope with a heartbreaking loss.

This loss will never leave them but if we talk to them, are honest with them, and listen to them they will have a healthier way of coping with their loss.

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